The Reflections of the Mind
by Esperanza Fuega
Summary: A series of scenes, character sketches, and fluffy moments. Second story's up: "She couldn't have a nice life with me. The kind of life she deserves, in the sunshine. "Enjoy, and don't forget to read and review!
1. Big Star

  
  
A/N: Okay, Ash here. Got inspired to do this mini-series of perspectives by caffeine, I guess. This first snip was written about the time Chapter Three of TSD was: I was writing it, and I got inspired to do this little scene. It never made it into the chapter, but I wanted it somewhere all the same. Enjoy! I know this first one is painfully short. It was supposed to be a scene, nothing more, and when I tried to pad it, it didn't feel right. So embarrassingly short it remains.  
  
Cordy sat on her bed, watching the aspirin tablet lift itself into the air towards her mouth. She let her invisible roommate pop it in, sipping from the glass of water he also offered. Snuggling down beneath the covers, Cordelia spoke quietly, feeling reassured by the quiet, unassuming presence that was Phantom Dennis.  
  
"My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this, you know. I was supposed to be famous, and rich, and people were gonna love me. Everyone was gonna love me. I was gonna win twenty Oscars and marry one of the Baldwins and have three kids and an au pair in a palace in Beverly Hills. Not painful, mind snapping, conscience shattering visions." She sobbed dryly, putting her face into her pillow. Consequently, her next words were muffled. "I was gonna be a big star... Not some vamp's Seer. I was gonna be... I was gonna be..." She gave up on forming words and cried for real, long into the night.  
  
"I was gonna have my name in lights..." was all Cordy said before falling asleep.  
  
Phantom Dennis tucked his ward in tight, sitting down beside her to watch her sleep. The deep quiet was punctuated only by a few sleepy mumblings, always just beyond the reach of even his ghostly hearing.  
  
---The next morning, Cordelia awoke to the sounds of the oldies on her alarm clock. Shutting it off, Cordelia yawned and stretched, her eyes wide open. A quick peek at her clock assured her it was nearly noon; so why was it as dark as midnight?  
  
"Phantom Dennis?" Cordy warily asked. As if waiting for a cue, a mass of bright colorful lights on the wall opposite her bed switched on. Cordelia rubbed her eyes, taking a look. There, painstakingly spelled out in flashing Christmas lights, was her name.  
  
S T A R R I N G C O R D E L I A C H A S E  
  
"Dennis, I love you!" Cordelia squealed. 


	2. I Don't

**Title: **All of Me  
  
**Pairing: **Angel/Cordelia  
  
**Summary: **Set after the episode where Angel sees Cordy as a higher being. Well, during and after, I guess.  
**Disclaimer: **The characters/setting used in this story are not mine. They belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon, etc. "My Immortal" is mental property to whoever wrote it, and all that jazz. However, the actual story is mine. Please don't steal.  
  
**  
All of Me **by **Esperanza Fuega**  
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase...  
  
_Evanescence, "My Immortal"

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"There was all this light around her, and the light seemed to be made up of ... pure joy."  
  
What a corny line. But that's how she looked. Happy. Happy like I could never make her. What have I got to offer someone like her? I'm gonna die sooner or later. Might be sooner, could be later. Not exactly rolling in the money, either -- she couldn't have a nice life with me. The kind of life she deserves, in the sunshine.  
  
Well, she could, for about three seconds. And then she would be a widow. I don't even know if she loves me, anyway. I mean, I have bad teeth. Have you seen my teeth? They're not exactly shiny. And they have a tendency to be kind of pointy. Oh, God, what if I bit her? What if Angelus came out to play, and he got her... Oh, God. Cordelia's blood on my hands, in my body... That's why the Powers took her for this Higher Being gig. Permanent, yeah. So I couldn't hurt her. It's best.  
  
It's not like I ever loved her.  
  
Who am I kidding? She was it for me. Buffy was nice, but Cordelia's... it. What is it with me and the ones I can't have? Talk about playing hard to get; the girls I want are damn near impossible. One's a Slayer, the other's a goddess, or something near it. I think I have some issues. Where's a good therapist when you need 'em, yeah?  
  
I didn't love her.  
  
I didn't. I can't give her what she wants; she'd die with me anyway. Someway or another, she'd be dead, and I'd have myself to blame. Just another burden on my shoulders.  
  
I didn't love her. I didn't. I didn't love her!  
  
I didn't love her... Not for the longest time. I didn't like her... Didn't like having to work with her. Hated her moodswings, her intrusiveness and biting remarks. She couldn't make coffee, didn't know how to file, didn't do anything right.  
  
And then it changed. Not overnight. Over time. She matured, I accepted. We grew. Into a team, a close-working unit. We could read each other's moves and moods.  
  
I liked her as a person. And she liked me.  
  
And we were a team.  
  
She's happier now, now that she's with the Powers that Be. Pure joy, joy she could never have with me. I'm happy for her. I'm happy. Happy as a clam.  
  
Joyful. Like that light. Beautiful, beautiful Cordy, so happy and light. Why she never made it as an actress, I'll never know. She had the talent. God knows she had the talent.  
  
I should have turned her. She could have been my childe, and I would have taught her the ways of the dark. We might have been happy together, as happy together as she is apart from me.  
  
Happy. She's happy. So am I.

These tears are tears of happiness.  
  
I love you, Cordy. Come home.  
  
_You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating light  
  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind.  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
But though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along...  
  
_


End file.
